08 – focus

Matty has problems staying focused. I don’t know where he gets it from.

Is he the way he is because I am the way I am? Could I have passed down my gifts of constant daydreaming and total randomness to him? Whatever I passed down, it obviously didn’t go to Sara. She is a born leader. Direct, to the point, and possesses the uncanny ability to get others to do her bidding. It’s like she’s a superhero and Matty is the sidekick.

I love my kids’ personalities and I love watching them interact, not just with themselves, but with others.

I’m watching them grow…but nowadays, more often than not, I’m hearing about their growth.

I’m burdened with constant guilt that I’m not there for even some of those moments. I mean, I know I have to work to support my family, but lately, work is this shadow that’s creeping closer and closer and no matter how much I try to get away from it, it catches me and envelops me with deadlines and tasks and schedules and customers and delegation and meetings.

Sometimes, I wish I were Matty…all of seven years old and the only worry in his world is which Calvin and Hobbes comic book he’s going to read today. Sometimes I wish I lived in Sara’s world where preschool is only three days a week and the rest of that time is spent annoying her big brother.

But, gotta live in mine…because it’s my way of making sure they get their world to look forward to.

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